About

“probably the raddest, not-what-you’d-expect-from-a-mommy-blog-est mommy blog I know” – Clare Marie Myers, founder, Scout’s Honor Clothing Company (she hangs out here)

I am a writer. This is my place.

THESE ARE MY FAVORITE POSTS.

• This Is Hard. You’re Doing a Good Job.
• Can I Tell You a Funny Story?
• Snow Days From Hell
• Let’s Talk About the Darkness [Depression. That thing.]
• How to Meet New Parent Friends
• The Child Rearing Books

this is my chaos team.

Evelyn

I write. I edit. I feed the gremlins. I wear big girl pants at my professional site here. My peeps and I live the dream in Portland, Oregon. I’m sarcastic, but look me in the eye: Portlandia is real. I just finished eating sustainably sourced bacon from my farmer friends before I head out to a women’s professional soccer game that I’ll be wearing my baby to, and breastfeeding my baby at without a nursing cover. People will see my boobs and not care. This is not a lie.

K-Pants

This is not a blog where I talk about how wonderful my kids are. K-Pants is awesome, but there is also a 100% chance he went to bed last night yelling, “YOU ARE A BAD MOM!!!” It might have been the 70th time he said that yesterday. He also goes by “The Pants” or “Mr. Potter.” K-Pants wears pink shoes, and you can read about that here and here. I love him. He’s almost six, so I should update that photo.

boy woww (formerly Baby Woww)

Boy Woww is our newest pet. He’s in preschool, but he’ll always be the newest pet because we don’t want any other pets, furry or otherwise. God, are you listening? You like to play jokes. I thought he might be a Furbie, but it turns out he’s a real boy. The reason I had kids was to swaddle them in towels with adorable animal hoods. So we’re keeping this picture. But here’s a montage of him courtesy of my sister. 

Also, he looks awesome in a Speedo.

the fairy pig

Remember how I said Boy Woww was our newest pet? That is not true. At this very moment, which has now passed, I am holding a baby with a “Little Sister” onesie on. God and I have this relationship where I say one thing, like “I don’t want more kids. I would break apart,” and God goes, “You should try it,” and I go,”No. nope. no. I’m stretched thin and I have a plan to stick to,” and God says, “Oh no you di’int say the p word.”  And then the plan goes out the window and I just try to hang on. So the Fairy Pig is here. She’s inspired me to do some of my best writing. Her story is a miracle and it’s over here.

Fang & Boca

Fang & Boca are our disco-worm finger Muppets. They’re socialists who photo bomb things.

This is where I hang out.

Well here, of course.

And you can find my writing on Believe Out Loud here. I love God. I love equality. Sometimes I wander over to The Daily Beast and write something about women’s sports. Like this.

this is where i meet my friends.

Have you had postpartum depression? Then I love you and we’re friends. Have you lost all of your dignity at the hands of a very intense child, mostly in public? Oh schizzle, we are definitely friends. Do you roll your eyes when the commercial says “Choosy moms choose JIFF”? Gurrrrl, we have the same mama. Did you choose not to have kids? Did your soul get torn apart and roughy sewn back together by infertility? Is your essence colored in permanent-marker rainbows? I love you and I will make you gluten-free, egg-free orange muffins.

I post on Momsicle at least once per week, which I try to keep to except when life rolls me over with a truck. You should sign up to get posts via email. I like email. But not enough to have the computer bots send you an email with a new post very often, so that’s good.

I welcome guest posts from fans and writers, and love to share other people’s writing on food, humor, and kid-friendly adventures. But INSERT CAVEATS.

CAVEATS. YAY! HERE WE ARE!

Contact me IF you are a real human being who is slightly disheveled and not in the marketing profession.

I don’t currently have time to

• review products,
• post your reviews, or
• post your content that links to your site where you’re trying to gain a worldwide following or make money.

However, good luck to you and godspeed! I hope you are wildly successful and get to retire early. I will not be retiring early, because I don’t do giveaways, accept advertising, or make deals with large, multinational companies (even small companies, for that matter). I’m kind of a blog hermit. I just like to write.

What?! You say. You promoted Scout’s Honor Clothing Company and Duck, Duck, Moose. What the F?! You caught me. But I found those things on my own and loved them on my own. So if you can find your way into my psyche through non-marketing methods, I might write about you.