Category Archives: Sanity Travel Tips Series

Good Parents Have Bad Kids on Airplanes

Before kids, on an airplane, you think things like this:

  • If I have kids, I won’t travel until they are old enough to be respectful.
  • Airlines should have flights just for families so I don’t have to deal with this shrieking-effing-chaos.
  • If I travel with my kids I’ll damn well make sure they don’t kick the  seat in front of them for three hours straight.
  • Why doesn’t anyone in this whole f*&king world know how to parent a child??!!??

Well I say, Amen! Preach it! Can I get a Hallelujah?!

If my current self time-traveled back to have appletinis with my former self and her single friends, I would be the one pounding the vodka, and saying, “B*tches! You are soooooo right! And you know what’s worse than sitting in front of the kid kicking you and screaming? Being the owner of that kid.”

I mean, on a plane these gremlins take annoying to a new level of hell.

But here’s the thing, sometimes you have to travel with your sweet gremlins.

I am an over-planner. The kids are always ready. The drug cocktail is always prepped, along with dozens of activities and snacks. Still, things don’t always go your way.

Like today.

And here’s what I was thinking,

  • Where are those damn family flights?
  • Will I actually ever get off of this plane, or will we just fly around in screaming-toddler purgatory for the rest of our lives?
  • Why can’t I be like those parents who pack cute bags of candy for everyone around them and buy a round of drinks?

It wouldn’t have been quite as bad, except that we got viciously chewed out by Mr. Seat21A, who told us we just needed to get control of our kids.

But here’s the thing, Mr. A-Hole-Pants, I do not need to try sitting in front of my children on a plane for three hours to see what it’s like, as you suggest.

Because sitting next to them, trying to provide 250 different types of entertainment and 7 courses of snacks, just to have Baby Woww wake up possessed by a demon… this is actually worse than you getting kicked for three hours. (If only I had packed my excorcism kit! I always forget something!)

And yes, I did take a picture of you so that Beelzebub will have a shot when he comes looking.

Snakes On A Plane. MomsicleBlog

(He’s watching The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a strange choice for a very insensitive guy.)

Yet, there are heroes.

Jessie, in seat 23D, I love you for the rest of my days.

Parent Guardian Angel. MomsicleBlog

Jessie defended us. She is a grandmother with a fabulous Nashville drawl, and when Mr. A-Hole-Pants told her, “This is none of your business.” She said, “When children or the elderly are bullied, I make it my business.”

I will always, always love you. And I hope I grow up to be you. Because as I’ve talked about before, parenting is not about getting praise for your awesomeness, but finding support in your lowest moments.

Can I get an Amen?!

Favorite Preschool iPhone Apps for Travel

It’s mid-December, so it’s probably time for you to get on a plane with the kids. You would rather wait in line at the DMV for six hours with no coffee.

Thank goodness for modern technology!

Here are the apps that saved us on a 4-flight journey (round trip) to see our family in Florida. The Momsicle Facebook community helped me improve my selection of iPhone apps for the kids (ages 3 and 1). Please leave a comment to let us know what your own favorites are!

Momsicle’s Favorite Preschool iPhone Apps

Trucks by Duck Duck Moose

K-Pants–the three year old–could choose to drag a car through the mud and then wash it; collect trash and recycling; load and move dirt with construction equipment; direct traffic with a traffic light; or fix flat tires at the mechanic.

Finger tapping is incredibly simple in all options except the trash and recycling game (but still not too hard there). Since we couldn’t pack our Tonka trucks in our carry-on luggage, Trucks by Duck Duck Moose was the next best thing.

Toca Train by Toca Boca

This game feels like being on the Island of Sodor. If your child is a Thomas fan, we highly recommend it.

Kids can drive the train around, blow the whistle, pick up passengers, and carry and drop-off freight. It helps to have an adult practice with the preschooler for at least the first time or two, because they might miss stations or have trouble with the speed lever. But once or twice was all it took for K-Pants to be independent.

Monster at the End of This Book by Sesame Street

It’s a classic and Sesame did a great job bringing the book to life in this app. K-Pants thought Grover was so funny.

K-Pants’s favorite parts were the interactive pages: snapping the ropes and breaking down the brick wall (above). It helps to show your preschooler how to switch to a favorite page. The down side to this app is that it can take a while to load from page to page, and preschoolers don’t have much patience.

Toca Kitchen Monsters by Toca Boca

Toca Monsters

Kids choose a monster and then decide what to feed it from the fridge. They can choose how to cook the food (chop, steam, sauté, blend).

Toca Monsters Kitchen

K-Pants really loves to blend things because the blender makes the phone vibrate. He ground up a lot of sausage and raw meat. Luckily his monster preferred them that way…

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A HUGE thank you to the Momsicle Facebook community for suggesting so many apps. We were saved because of it! We downloaded lots more that we really liked. These were the standouts. 

Note: All of these games are more like toys: you can play with them in various ways. Which is great for preschoolers (it can be stressful to try to “win” a game, especially when it’s hard enough to master the controls of each game). Also, I was not in any way sponsored by any of the developers of these games.

14 Tips for Flying with Young Kids

The quickest advice: Don’t do it. Now go have a glass of wine.

Everyone hates to see a family with young kids get on the plane. And you know who hates it most of all? The parents. I would rather be getting an enema, washing my hair with hot tree sap, or eating a can of spray cheese topped with Lucky Charms and mayonnaise. If you know me, that’s about as low as it can get.

But we just got back from Tampa and we survived four flights with a three year old and a one year old. Everyone is remarkably intact. K-Pants threw up on the first flight during the bumpy descent, so that was awesome; but because I was prepared with a full extra change of clothes for him and Baby Woww (whom he also sprayed), things were alright.

How to Survive Flying with Young Children

1. The short answer: drugs.

I packed liquid melatonin, children’s Dramamine, adult Dramamine (don’t forget to take care of mama!), Ibuprofen, and nighttime Orajel (Baby Woww was teething). We’ve used Benadryl in the past, but I forgot to buy it in a small enough container to pass through security. I am NOT a doctor, so don’t consider this medical advice. But I will say that I experimented with each thing before taking it on the plane, to make sure nothing had the opposite effect on the kids. And I follow dosage instructions. If you’re going to give the kids something, make sure you do it 20-30 minutes before you want it to take effect.

2. Pack in advance. I’m admittedly neurotic, but I feel like packing one week before the trip is crucial. That way you can assess what you need to go to the store to get. I knew to go find the Orajel that was missing from the liquids/drugs bag, and I had time to search out extra headphones and phone chargers. It’s the worst feeling to realize at midnight the night before the trip that you need something critical. Plus, the night before your trip, you NEED to sleep.

3. Use technology to your advantage. We have an iPhone and a tablet that–thanks to you, readers!–were filled with kid-friendly games. We bought the Fisher Price iPhone Apptivity case, and it worked great for the kids to hold, and–bonus!–it made it easier for me to find my phone in the seat pocket or travel bags (it’s hard to lose a phone when it’s being hugged by a colorful baby rattle). If you have a toddler who doesn’t constantly press the home button on your phone, then don’t worry about a special case. The one year old always pushes the home button, and the case has a feature that makes it so the child can’t do it.

4. If you can separate the kids, do it. This was unexpected. I feel like when we travel together I can only survive if my husband is next to me as another enforcer and source of moral support. However, the biggest problems we had were generally due to the baby wanting something the preschooler had, or vice versa. So they mainly fought over things, and there’s no good place for time-out on a plane (although for something egregious, the back area near the restrooms will work). On our return trip my husband got upgraded to first class with the baby, and it was much less stressful for each of us. And I have to give my husband credit here, he let me choose where I wanted to sit and I chose coach with the three year old, because flying with kids aged 9-months to just under three years is the WORST.

5. Pack lots of snacks.

This is a no-brainer. Try to make them a real mix of savory and sugary, so that you don’t have sugar highs and sugar lows. Things wrapped in shiny wrappers always work well for us, so we had Luna bars and fiber fruit bars. K-Pants is obsessed with cough drops, so we brought a bunch of those. We also got popcorn and apple crunchy straws from Trader Joe’s. TJ’s is perfect for these kinds of snacks. I recommend trying out any new snacks on the kids before the flight so that you know what they’ll really go crazy for.

6. Pack little toys and games.

This is mainly for the preschool set. Though my friend Emily had finger puppets for her one year old, and felt cut-outs entertained both kids when I stuck them on the seat backs.

7. Bring books, especially audio books. We stopped at the library before the trip and got some paperback books about K-Pants’s favorite things (trucks, boats, trains). It was nice that the books were new. We also looked for audio books that I then downloaded onto an iPod, so that the toddler could listen during the flight. NOTE: we haven’t had any success with either of our babies wearing headphones. But now that K-Pants is three, he wears them fine. We practiced with the headphones the week before.

8. Label things. One of the hardest things when traveling is that everything is packed so neatly in bags that I don’t often use, so it takes me way longer than necessary to locate the medicine or the headphones. Meanwhile, someone is having a meltdown. I went overboard and labeled the zippers on my backpack with “Liquids” and “Technology” and it was awesome.

9. Bring lots of extra plastic bags.

You can never have enough. You’ll need a couple for trash as the kids eat snacks. You’ll need some for soiled clothes or diapers. I also packed all snacks and toys in bags that we could then reuse later. Just throw ’em in and I guarantee you’ll use ’em.

10. Bring your big stroller. We could have gotten by easily with a single stroller in Tampa, but the double allowed us to strap two tired kids in at the airport, or have one child in the stroller with a suitcase in the other side. Options are endless, and you can gate check that bad boy for free.

11. Don’t be afraid to buy media and food on board the flight. I was frazzled and exhausted on our second flight to Tampa. I’d been thrown up on the flight before, and my airport burrito had canned corn in it. I was in a MOOD. Eight dollars for a little tapas box on the plane was definitely overpriced, but it was just the gourmet pick-me-up I needed. And paying for DirectTV came in handy for kids movies, and sports and adult entertainment (not that kind!) when the kids were napping. Just put out of your mind how overpriced everything is: Your in-flight sanity is priceless.

12. Park at a long-term lot that drives you directly from your car to your terminal. You know flying is going to be nerve-wracking, so why start it out with a frustrating trip from the outer banks of economy parking, where you have to wheel all your gear to a bus stop and wait. We used Air Park at the Portland airport, and they come to your car and drop you off at the terminal for a little less than $10 per day. Worth it if you have to leave your car.

13. Practice before getting on the flight.

The kids don’t usually play games on the iPhone or tablet, and I didn’t want the plane to be the first time, because there’s always a little frustration in learning something new. So we talked about how exciting the flight would be, and practiced with the games and the headphones beforehand. We also practiced with wearing the carry-on backpack.

14. Pack a full set of extra clothes for each child. Comes in handy in soooo many ways: accidents, throw-up, spilling ginger ale…

Please add your tips so that others (including me!) can benefit.

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Want more family travel advice and ideas? The Travel With Kids page has links to useful travel posts by other parent bloggers.

 

Toddler Exposes State of Air Travel

I got back two weeks ago from traveling alone with K-Pants on three flights. I get very anxious flying with Mr. Pants. Packing a toddler on your lap for hours and hoping he’ll be saintly is a bad wager. But you know what I realized? The toddler is not the bad part of flying: Flying is. (Especially since I give Mr. Pants a little something to make him sleep most of the way.)

K-Pants is simply the bellwether that exposes the ugly state of air travel.

Like the Terminix guy. We know termites are bad. But we don’t fully understand how horrible they are until the Terminix guy comes to unveil the rotted out house.

K-Pants is my Terminix guy.

Pre-Pants, I could get on a plane with a book and some headphones, pop a sleeping pill, and write off the whole experience as a bad nap. Not anymore. Now I have to travel with my eyes open.

And what I’ve discovered is that the stress on airline workers is so great that many rely on badgering the innocent to let off some steam. I don’t really blame them. Air travel sucks. But I’m a little tired of the maltreatment.

For instance, pregnant and with a toddler in a baby carrier on my front, I wandered up to the boarding gate of my first flight…

  • Excuse me. Will you be boarding families with young children first?
  • The attendant’s eyes popped out of her head: We don’t do THAT.
  • I shifted to show her that I was actually pregnant AND carrying a toddler and a diaper bag and a carry on. That’s about 60 lbs. of human and miscellaneous cargo.
  • She raised her eyebrows with an expression that said, You chose to procreate. We don’t have to cater to your whims.

Cool!

At least, I reassured myself, I was seated at the back. They board the back first—after the platinum-silver-copper-chrome-varnished-opal members. But I looked at my boarding pass and I was in group 4: code for “steerage.”

Apparently United now boards window seats first, then middle seats, then aisle seats. Right-e-o. So if you’re trying to be a considerate parent and sit on the aisle so you have a quick escape in case of outbursts, you are punished with steerage boarding.

  • Isn’t there anything you can do to help us? I asked another attendant.
  • Well next time you can buy a window seat.

I would love to do that except that next time you’ll be boarding by color-coordination and ambidexterity. None of this makes any sense!

Some very funny blogging friends and I posted tips on surviving air travel with kids a little while ago. And while I do follow the advice, I think the best dictum I can give right now is just stay at home.

Sanity Travel Tips 3: Surviving the Road Trip

Today’s travel tips in the Sanity Travel Tips Series come from my good friend Evelyn who lives in North Carolina and has been road-tripping with her toddler since he was born; and also from Scott at Get Better Mary Elizabeth, who has a middle-school daughter and elementary-age twins, so he is a bona fide professional.

Evelyn’s Road Trip Survival Tips

  1. Have an endless supply of books or toys or whatever entertains your child within arm’s reach of the passenger (or driver if going solo), so that you can chuck a new toy at your little one as soon as they are tired of the toy they are playing with. Number of toys/books to take = number of hours of trip X 10, then add a few more for good measure. [Editor’s note: I like your style, and the imagery! Is the little tot good at dodging the incoming toys? Ever poked his eye out?]
  2. Have a similar endless supply of favorite snacks and sippy cups within arm’s reach. When tired of toys, chuck some food at your little one. [Aaaaaah! Flying food!]
  3. For extra-long trips, have someone sit in the back with the kiddo (this is especially helpful if he or she is still little enough to be rear-facing), for entertainment purposes.
  4. We ALWAYS travel at nap time so that he sleeps most of the way. [Amen!]
  5. [Note: You can also print Hannah’s list of games to play in tight spaces. It’s geared toward planes, but is great for road trips, too!]

And Scott Takes it to the Next Level

Scott says…For longer car trips, we bring a shopping bag filled with tiny little packages, wrapped in gift paper (by their OCD grandmother) one of which the little darlings get to open every hour. They can even be time-specific, like little boxes of cereal in the morning etc. Benefit – they can be used as leverage – “If you don’t stop x, you won’t get to open a gift.” Drawback – be sure that none of the little gifts is a noise-making anything. Somehow, their usually wise grandmother packed one of those whistles with the slide handles that makes funny descending, ascending and TOTALLY maddening sounds. [Editor’s note: I guess no vuvuzelas either.] Overall the gift bag was a huge hit for our last New York-to-Chicago-and-back-again road trip.

If you haven’t checked out Scott’s blog about his family’s battle for recovery from his wife’s stroke, it’s amazing and so well-written. His On Giving Thanks post should be required reading on or around Turkey Day.

Click here for some travel humor from one of my favorite guest posters, Marisa: How to Use the Items in Your Seatback Pocket to Entertain Someone Else’s Child.

Sanity Travel Tips 2: Games to Play in Tight Spaces

My dear friend Hannah—children’s author and mother of two boys with twin girls on the way—gets really practical in this guest post by giving us a list of games you can play in tight spaces that require no extra packing.

You may think these are simply games we all played as kids, but when you have a screaming child in your lap, you will be wishing you at least emailed yourself this list!

For the Two and Younger Crowd

●      Entertaining Games

  • Peek-a-boo [Editor’s note: This one is really great if you have a nice grandparent in front or back of your seat who wants to play also.]
  • Tear the Paper (Let the child rip Sky Mall into strips of paper. Use the strips to create chains, hats, animals, etc. Sure it makes a mess, but oh well!)
  • Singing Time with Hand Actions (Pat-a-cake, This Little Piggy, The Itsy-bitsy Spider, Wheels on the Bus, etc.)
  • Where’s the Binky? (Alternate hiding his favorite small toy in different hands or other places he can see)
  • Tickle Monster
  • Find Your Nose, Tummy, Hair… Now, Find Mommy’s Nose…
  • Make This Face! Imitate This Sound!

●      Wind Down Games for Sleepy Time

  • Counting Fingers Hand Massage
  • Counting Toes Foot Massage
  • Sleepy Time Songs (use your favorite lullabies)
  • ‘I Paint Your Arms and Face with My Fingers’ Soothing Rub
  • Invent a Quiet Bedtime Story (Once upon a time there was a boy/girl named [child’s name], who went on a long sea voyage. The boat rocked back and forth…)
  • Give them their nod-off sippy-cup/bottle (Remember that descending on planes is harder on ears than ascending, so don’t run out of bottle/sippy-cup/suckers at the end of the flight… or expect a screaming fit.)

For the Three and Older Crowd

  • I Spy
  • 20 Questions
  • Origami (A page from Sky Mall can become a balloon, a flower, a swan…) [Editor’s Note: Check out the cool website Tiny Shiny if you—like me—need an origami brush-up.]
  • Who can find the letters A-Z first? 1-10? (Hunt through Sky Mall…)
  • The Magic Bag (Form a make-shift bag out of a torn page from Sky Mall. Have the child toss an imaginary rock into the paper bag. Flick the underside of the bag to imitate the rock landing there. Hours of entertainment…)
  • Interactive Songs/Rhymes (Down by the Bay, Going on a Bear Hunt, The Green Grass Grew All Around…)
  • Teach a Magic Trick (Can you make a penny disappear?)

I try to avoid using movies or iPhone games for as long as possible because once you turn on these devices children lose the power to self-entertain. It’s whine-whine-whine from there on out if you have to take your phone back or the portable movie player runs out of batteries. [We do love our Signing Time iPhone app with songs and ASL sign demos. The phone does get hurled at something when the Pants decides he’s done being calm, though, so I get your point.]

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Want more kid-friendly travel tips? Try 14 Tips for Flying with Young Kids (this one’s great if you have two little people under age 4 with you).

Or visit the Travel With Kids page for more posts.