I loved snow days when I was in elementary school. The world stopped and became a playground with pit stops for hot chocolate and grilled cheese.
So when the snow started falling on Thursday, I was giddy. There it was: quiet beauty with the promise of play time.
Instead, I’m locked in a low-budget horror movie. Have you seen Despicable Me 2? You know how those cute yellow minions turn into feral, fuzzy creatures of death?
That’s what happened around here.
When you are four and two, you don’t spend all day outside sledding. You go out in the snow for 20 minutes, realize your hands are freezing, scream at your mom, and go back inside.
We’re stuck. We can’t throw ourselves in the car and drive to sanity.
We’re inside, and inside is hell.
You can only make so many blanket forts and batches of cookies.
Mainly, K-Pants has been in a state of disequilibrium for a while now. And though he’s not hitting me or throwing things (progress!), he’s turned to psychological warfare (“Mom, you are BAD! I wish you would DIE!”).
- Me: You can’t have another cookie.
- K-Pants: You are BAD. You are a BAD mom.***
- Me: You’re mad at Baby Woww, but you can’t hit him with a plane.
- K-Pants: NO MOM! I wish you would DIE, Mom!
And I’m supposed to be calm and firm and kind in response, but this is like some kind of torture for me: “Evelyn, we’re going to lock you in your house for four days. Your children will be crying and whining and hitting each other. You must feed them and change their diapers and not lose your marbles.”
It works until 4 p.m. At 4 p.m. I lose my marbles.
My husband and Baby Woww found me hiding under the guest bedroom comforter downstairs one day. Ostensibly I was “making the bed.”
Yesterday, 4 p.m. hit and my husband suggested I take a bath. That did not go so well, and this letter was subsequently dictated.
So today we put the chains on the car. The temperature is above freezing. We feel like there’s a chance to escape. It’s almost four. Baby Woww is screaming. K-Pants will wake up soon. It’s time to roll the dice….
Photo from Despicable Me 2 courtesy of Entertainment Weekly.