Ain’t No Such Thing as a Free Boat Ride

I recently received the “dispatch from the field” below via email.

I love getting stories like this, because they usually arrive just when I need a pick-me-up. Like right after receiving a note from the bank saying, “We’re sorry. At this time we can’t take the PMI off your loan because we reviewed your last five years of Netflix records and there were not enough action movies in your viewing history.” Or some other stupid excuse that proves they will never, ever do what I’m asking. (I wrote more about my bank paperwork depression here.)

So…. If you need a pick-me-up, or a show of solidarity in parenting chaos, read this from my friend M:

Hello, Evelyn, my dear,

As a fellow momma of small boys, I thought you would find this funny. We went on vacation to San Diego last week. Our hotel stay included a boat ride on a Mississippi sternwheeler. Makes sense. San Diego = Mark Twain. Or something.

Cam loves all forms of transportation, so we were excited about this. Only we boarded the boat and noticed large, toddler-sized gaps in the railings on the lower deck. We pictured him pitching himself off into the bay.

It was scary.

Toddler Eating Sternwheeler. MomsicleBlog

We tried to find an isolated part of the boat where we could cordon him off for safety, but this got tough because once we were on the boat, Cam became extremely excited and wouldn’t stop running around while screaming “ME ON A BOAT!!!!”

Photo is attached. I believe I captured total psychosis setting in.

Toddler Psychosis Setting In. MomsicleBlog

Longest 90 minutes of our lives. Beware the phrase FREE BOAT RIDE. Ain’t no such thing.




Please send me your own dispatches (momsicleblog [at] I love them.

Oh yeah, and have you liked Momsicle on Facebook? I make a face like the picture above every time there’s a new like.

2 responses to “Ain’t No Such Thing as a Free Boat Ride

  1. OMG I am laughing so hard Amina keeps turning around and saying “What!?” This totally reminds me of the time we got a free truck ride on a farm in Princeton when we went strawberry picking. Lured in by the idea of something free and fun (after paying 125$ for a pony ride) we all hopped on the aforementioned tractor. Seven minutes later we are disembarking. I twisted my ankle, husband ripped his pants, my cousin got a scratch on his face from his nose straight down his mouth ending at the chin and all from chasing Amina around the back of the tractor trying to keep her in one place. Other patrons were scared straight. After this we just went back to the god ol’ pony and ponied up another thousand dollars for a short go-about to calm ourselves down. Kidding, Amina rode the pony and gave him PTSD while we hovered like a bunch of turkeys in a corner scared of a 4 year old.

    PS she must submit this picture to

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