Tag Archives: Love

Sometimes the Easy Kid Goes Unnoticed


Boy Woww. MomsicleBlog

I worry that Boy Woww gets overlooked. He’s about to become the middle child, and K-Pants is the one who brings TNT to the parenting party. Boy Woww is mellow, and incredibly snuggly, and almost every time I come into a room he beams and says, “Mom! You’re back!”

Boy Woww. MomsicleBlog

I talk quite a bit with my boys about how I don’t love anyone more: I love them differently. (This conversation often comes up because K-Pants has a tough time with any kind of reprimand and will lash out by saying, “You don’t love me!” or “You love Boy Woww more than me!”)

Well, I love Boy Woww because he has lavish imaginary worlds and a strangely mature sense of humor and a remarkable way of affirming you when you need it. “Mom, I love this day,” he’ll say out of the blue.

Boy Woww. MomsicleBlog

So this post is for him.

Boy Woww. MomsicleBlog

I hope he knows how much I love to snuggle him.

Boy Woww. MomsicleBlog

…and watch him grow, even when I’m tired, and overwhelmed, and short-tempered.

Ode to Boy Woww. MomsicleBlog

Here’s to you, our wonderful boy.

My Writing on Believe Out Loud

Believe Out Loud

There’s this ball of messy yarn in my soul that makes me need to write. It gets teased out by the cat’s claws, and thrown onto the page. My hope is to be a voice in the darkness. A voice that’s authentic and compassionate. 

And today! Today! Today marks the widest audience my writing has reached. It’s exhilarating and nauseating. I’m thrilled, because there’s been this voice of Love that keeps wanting to come out. And Believe Out Loud, the compassionate, forward-reaching, radically loving Christian site, helped me rework my Coming Out piece into this blog post:

Staying Silent No More: I Am A Christian Ally

What I love about Believe Out Loud is that they don’t like to engage in take-downs of other Christians or movements. They simply witness to what they know of themselves, the LGBTQ community, and Christianity.  So cool. I could learn a thing or two.

My next piece for them is going to be about teaching preschoolers tolerance. Stay tuned! And God bless!

Peace,

Evelyn

P.S. Want to read more from me on radical tolerance? Check out this piece on the Cascadia Scouts, part of the BPSA, an alternative to the Boy Scouts.

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Believe Out Loud logo from BelieveOutLoud.org

Welcome to My Coming Out Party

When I write about religion, mostly I sit in front of a blank screen with my cursor blinking back and forth.

Or I go to reference a Bible passage on the Internet, and find myself at Catholic Online, looking over at the “Most Popular” section where I see the headline, “The unrelenting ‘Gay Mafia’ has bullied A&E into suspending ‘Duck Dynasty’ star Phil Robertson.”

Because the Gay Mafia is a thing. And it’s unrelenting. And it hates Christians.

“It’s not Robertson who is intolerant, it’s the activist gays,” it says.

“Robertson’s views are not all his own. They’re God’s. God made the rules, designed the plan for marriage – and He has not changed either. Homosexual behavior is a sin. It is abominable, just as every other form of sexual deviancy is.”

An ad from Farmers Insurance plays on the site in the background.

My brain. It short circuits. The cursor keeps blinking.

And I decide: I guess this is my coming out day.

I’m an activist gay.

Some things are easy for me because of circumstance. I’m white. I’m heterosexual. I come from a well-educated family.

And I’m Christian. As Christian as Phil Robertson or anyone else. I know it in my heart. It’s a thing between God and me. But if you want the credentials (which are unimportant, but I don’t want you to think that I’m a nonfat Christian and Phil Roberston is the whole milk version): I pray every day, we go to church on Sundays, we keep Christ in Christmas, K-Pants goes to Sunday school, I co-lead our church play group, Lent is this time before Easter that we love because it’s spiritually rigorous. We’ve been involved with God for a while.

And there are a few things I know to be true.

1. LOVE is the core. All caps, radical, boundless love. Some love is easy—our souls want it and want to give it. Some love is hard—loving our enemies, sometimes ourselves, often those who are different from us.

2. Anyone who tells you that you are going to hell has been caught in that insidious trap: hubris. We think we know the way to the Kingdom. And He has given us a road map. And we try to follow it. But here’s the thing: He’s the only one to judge. Not us, because we are all of us sinners. And we are walking this earth doing the best we can, trying to blow oxygen on the fire of goodness inside us. But boy do we love to judge others.

3. Sins are a choice. Adultery is a choice. Greed is a choice. Being gay is not a choice. Who would choose it?

I sat next to this guy in his fifties on the subway in New York City right after Ricky Martin came out. We were on our way home from work. My seatmate couldn’t believe that Ricky Martin was gay. In his mind, people were gay because their parents were Bohemian and thought it was cool to be gay.

This is not true. Bands of Bohemians do not raise future gay generations.

Random families across America do. And often these families are religious (and maybe think homosexuality is a sin) or at a minimum something they would never wish for their children. And then somehow, their child is gay.

But the world doesn’t end. In fact, most of the business of being gay is just going about your daily life, having to be more guarded than other people, finding the love of your life, growing your family, filing more complicated tax returns….

Randy Roberts Potts, grandson of Oral Roberts, does a great job talking about this.

You know who else does a great job following Jesus’ examples of LOVE and radical openness? These Christian organizations:

Faithful America, working to redefine Christianity’s voice in mainstream media, and petitioning for social justice

Believe Out Loud, a network of those who believe Love is the greatest commandment

Sojourners, celebrating 40 years of faith in action for social justice

So here I am. Long-winded. Coming out.

If there is a gay mafia out there somewhere, you can count me among your ranks. I’m straight. I’m Christian. I’m standing WITH Jesus and for LOVE.

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You might also like “Cascadia Scouts: Portland’s Alternative to the Boy Scouts,” another piece highlighting groups who are breaking down discriminatory barriers.

Thoughts on Love

I go to church three blocks from Ground Zero, and I’ve worshipped there—at Trinity Wall Street, one of the oldest churches in Manhattan—since I moved to New York. I’m a bell-ringer (Quasimodo-style), and I met my husband through the church and we had our wedding blessing there.

I wasn’t in New York on September 11, but Trinity was. The parish served as a rescue and prayer center. There’s an ongoing memorial to the victims of 9/11 at St. Paul’s Chapel, our second parish site.

Lately, I’ve been listening to the anti-Muslim vitriol and Rev. Terry’s plans for the called-off Koran burning. A lot of Christians equate God with fear and vengeance (hey, there’s plenty of both in the Bible!), and are happy to add more bricks to their walls of self-protection. They feel the Muslim community center is insensitive to victims’ families, and that Muslims must be up to no good.

Is there any merit to this?

Well, Mayor Bloomberg is on the board of the 9/11 Memorial, where he interacts with families, and insists that none of the families he’s met are opposed.

Fine. But surely the Muslims are up to no good.

I reached out to the Vicar of my church. She knows and respects Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, and she spoke in favor of the center at a city planning meeting.

Hmmm. But how do I know for myself?

I decided to check in on some Muslims to see what kind of mischief they were up to. K-Pants and I ran into Ama and Nina at the park. My friend Sonja is Nina’s mom, and they go to mosque every week.

Where was Sonja? Why not at the park with Nina? Apparently, Sonja was at home baking cakes for Eid, which marks the end of Ramadan. I would have taken this as a cover-up, except I’ve eaten Sonja’s cakes, and they are marvelous. Once she left half a cheesecake at our house (I ate it all, and I am still Christian, so these are probably not subversive cakes [but they’re not good for your daily saturated fat intake]).

Then K-Pants and I approached our building. Aha! A Muslim trying to get in. This was Salman. He couldn’t open the door to the building because he had too many groceries in his hands.

Why all the provisions, Salman? Preparing for a catastrophe? Apparently, Salman was also getting ready for Eid. His father has a heart condition and has been in and out of the hospital. His mother was home care-taking and couldn’t go to the grocery store. Eid will be crazy, he says, but I should stop by next Monday or Tuesday because his mother would like to have me over. Hmmm… what for? Trying to convert me? No, they just want to say thanks for the muffins I brought last week.

Not only do I love these people personally, but I’m reminded of what Ephesians tells me about Jesus, whom I respect much more than Rev. Terry: “I pray that you may have your roots and foundation in love, so that you may have the power to understand how broad and long, how high and deep, is Christ’s love.”

Whatever faith or un-faith you are, I hope love comes out on top of fear.