Children Revolt Over Organic Dinner, Seek Out New Caregivers

January 6, 2016

Portland, Oregon— After extensive crying and whining over a dinner of roast beast, broccoli with garlic-tahini sauce, sautéed leeks and mushrooms, and mashed potatoes, two young boys set out to find a loving “chicken-fingers-only” family. The boys, six and four, say they will settle for “cheeseburgers-only.”

Organic Meal in the Making. MomsicleBlog“Could I be more cliché?” upper-middle-class mom Evelyn Shoop said. “I’m a white mom with a Master’s and I have an organic food delivery service. But you know what? I don’t care! I’m not stopping. I love Organics to You.”

Relatives confirm that this exhausted parent cooks mostly organic vegetables and meats. “She also eats gluten-free, which is just a bunch of baloney. No one ever had a problem with gluten when I was growing up. Barak Obama is the worst president in our history,” said an honored citizen who asked not to be named for this article.

“She thinks sugar makes us sick,” said Shoop’s six-year-old son. “We’re not even supposed to ask about treats. We do anyway and she gives in. But not enough. When we want treats we want them now.”

“Eeeeeeeeeehhwheeeeeeeeigh,” said Shoop’s four-year-old. His whine was unintelligible, but his emotion was clear.

Initially the boys attempted to rent a tiny-house nearby, but with no income, it proved difficult. “We didn’t want it anyway,” the older boy said. “We want someone else to cook.”

They are confident a “chicken-fingers-and-fries” family exists and will take them in. “It’s just time for us to go,” the six-year-old said. “She’s making us do more chores and she keeps saying ‘it’s hard work to be in a family’ and ‘you get what you get and you don’t have a fit.’”

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12 responses to “Children Revolt Over Organic Dinner, Seek Out New Caregivers

  1. Poor kiddos! I think all children think this way, or at least I did. But trust me–they will thank you for it one day. I know I did, and I had to endure organic broccoli from the day when that meant bug-infested broccoli, as well as tempeh and “gluten loaf.” I still thank my father for feeding me so well and starting such healthy habits so young. Although the sugar deprivation is a whole other story….

  2. Ah, the pleasures of parenting

  3. I certainly needed the laugh as I’ll most likely be the enabler type of Nana!

  4. This brightened my morning! Sorry about the chicken nuggetz brigade…

  5. Glad to hear that I’m not the only who says things like “well, to have a good family we all have to do our share. So go unload the dishwasher without complaining about it, please.” (or yells it, without the please). Carry on with that broccoli and kale. 😀

  6. Solidarity, sister!!

  7. I’ll trade you. A similar situation was occurring in Texas around the same time. Mine did not like their dinner of popcorn chicken, instant mashed potatoes, and cheesy cauliflower. Little ingrates!
    I love the news article format too. Good stuff!!

  8. This is amazing! You should submit it to The Onion!

  9. I love eating organically, and I love fresh produce! I don’t know how my husband is gonna handle it when our baby gets here because I want to start him out young eating healthy!

  10. Send Kanan over to the east coast- his lazy godparents will hook him up with some pressed food-that healthy dinner sounds like lots of work!😉

  11. Processed…

  12. Love it! I hear a children’s book…

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