Will You Still Be My Friend?

I was that pregnant lady six years ago.

The glowing one. Easily knocked-up, easily growing, plenty of energy, cute and adorable in stretchy outfits. We should have done one of those baby bump photo shoots to memorialize the whole magical experience.

Did you know me then? Wasn’t I irritating?

I’m sorry about that. But don’t worry, karma is a bitch.

Back in October I was so worried about the baby and my health that I thought my anxiety was causing intense nausea. Luckily I have a therapist. “I don’t think so,” she said. “I think you have morning sickness.” I get it now. That sh*t sucks. I tried vitamin B6, Unisom, prescription meds, ginger pills, fresh ginger, ginger chews, sea bands, and a million naturopathic remedies. Nothing worked, except waging a war of attrition in which I was always losing.

There was a brief respite around twenty weeks when the nausea was gone and I had some energy. Now I’m just excruciatingly tired. I look at the dishes and think, I should let those rot and add paper plates to the grocery list.

You might have my phone number and wonder if I’ve changed it. No. I just don’t return your calls, or listen to your voicemails. There’s sort of a text-message-roulette thing I have going.

Am I supposed to send you a reply to something you asked me about a few weeks ago? Did you invite me to do something after 2 p.m.? It’s not happening.

Recently the boys and I came down with colds. Then my husband started to get a sore throat. I was irrationally angry: Who will take care of us now?

I need to rent a wife for the next few months. No sexual benefits, just chores and cooking. I’m working on making the description more appealing. “We provide room and board. You make food and tidy-up. Desired experience: Culinary Institute of America, U.N. peacekeeping forces, downstairs employment in British manor house.”

Until I hire my new wife, please forgive the way I seem to be stomping all over our friendship. I would love to stop alienating you, but I have to take a nap and then get ready for bed.


9 responses to “Will You Still Be My Friend?

  1. I feel your pain My third pregnancy felt much like that. It’s hard, but I bet you’re still glowing. 🙂

    • My friends with three assure me that some energy will return. Right now I find it hard to believe, but just tell me it’s true so hope can spring eternal…

  2. I am testament to the fact that pregnancy is not the only life event that leads to exhaustion. Luckily, for true friends, it is not the end. Stay strong – and take a nap! Love you always…

    • I think of your motto, “Take more naps, and wear more party clothes,” often. I’m not getting to the party clothes now, but I’m really rocking the naps. Love you, too!

  3. Oh man, it is BRUTAL when you feel like that. I puked all day every day through 17 weeks with my son (on meds and supplements and small frequent meals and everything you mentioned above) and it.was.horrible. It was like having the flu every day for months on end. Words can’t describe it, as you well know. I hope you find some energy soon, and take heart that some day your mind won’t let you remember how awful you felt (I swore I’d never do that again, and now I think *maybe*….).

    • Okay, people who puked day-in and day-out will ascend immediately to heaven. I only puked a couple times. The rest of the time I was just in food exile and very nauseous. Seriously, you made it through a more terrible level of hell and I would like to hug you for it. I’m glad to hear that amnesia will kick in, although that “maybe” sounds dangerous… 😉

  4. Dude….anyone worthy of being your friend will understand. Seriously. We have all been there. You are in survival mode. Now, when you are through the sickness (or at least enough that you can begin to think of other things) and want some pictures taken of what I can only imagine is an adorable baby bump, let me know. It’s on the house. 🙂

    • Oh man! This made me smile!! You know when survival mode seems like one step away from the chaos that will turn us into an episode of Hoarders meets Honey Boo Boo? That’s where we’re at. I really appreciate the affirmation and the generous offer of your photo talents! Watch out. If I can ever send out an email, you might find one in your inbox. 🙂

  5. Pingback: “Evelyn, You’re A Mess.” | momsicle

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