Taking Your Kids to the Nudist Beach on Sauvie Island

K-Pants has a pal we call Luke. You may remember Luke from his enormous, camouflaged brain. Or you may not.

Anyhow, Luke’s mother has a sardonic sense of humor, which I love. After finding out about a recent beach trip where their crew ended up hanging out at a local nudist beach, I asked her let me share the story.

Exposing Your Kids to Sauvie Island (by brita)

Sauvie Island Nudist Beach Guest Post. Momsicle Blog

[Editor’s note: This is Irna, Luke’s sister. She’s very into fashion. I thought you should meet her. Okay, on to the story….]

You can really see a lot of Portland on display if you visit Sauvie Island. Particularly if you inadvertently end up at the clothing-optional beach.

I followed a friend’s recommendation and since the clothing-optional and clothing-required beaches are adjacent to one another, it’s easy to land in the wrong spot.

In our defense, I’ll say that when we got there it was overcast, windy and everyone there was fully clothed.

Of the many things I’ve learned about public nudity, the first is that it is an activity people ease into. Secondly, nude beaches seem to appeal exclusively to men over fifty. Thirdly, it involves a lot of standing around, presumably to 
avoid sand entrapment in unfortunate places (but given that the problem 
could be remedied with a bathing suit, I can only guess the purpose of
 standing is to obtain the full effect of the resulting exhibition).

The kids didn’t much notice, although Irna (our own resident nudist) 
would occasionally look up from her work, laugh–and say, “Naked.”

Sauvie Island Nudist Beach Guest Post. MomsicleBlog

I think
 it actually was a great beach, but I spent most of my time politely averting
 my eyes.

By the end of our outing, the clouds had burned off, and the sun was 
out, and suddenly, we were outflanked by… flanks.

We packed up our
 gear, the kids bringing half of the beach’s sand with them, and
started for the car.  As we left, some of the more inhibited patrons 
began dropping trou–probably having spent the last two hours wondering 
why we were there and what social convention dictated when a fully clothed family takes over your nudist beach.

Sauvie Island Nudist Beach Guest Post. MomsicleBlog

I asked Irna at bedtime what her favorite part of the day was and she
 mimicked a “thinking about it” face, complete with, “hmm” expressions.

It’s adorable, you should see it.

Anyway, she gave a three word
 reply, “Park.  Naked. Grandpa.”

So, yeah.  We’ll be more careful where we set up shop next time.

***

A note on Irna’s name:

The online pseudonym for my daughter came to me in a dream following
 Evelyn’s invitation to post on her blog.  My dream self was very 
insistent that the spelling was I-r-n-a and pronounced “Eirene,” like a
 character in the HBO series Rome (and according to Google, the Greek 
goddess of peace). This proves that, at least in my specific case, the 
subconscious mind is neither imbued with any particular wisdom nor is 
it a super great speller.

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6 responses to “Taking Your Kids to the Nudist Beach on Sauvie Island

  1. Thanks for sharing our misadventure on your blog! 🙂

  2. I think I must take my children there, or at least my youngest who is prone to “na-ed” parties on a daily basis. He’s much happier na-ed than clothed. *sigh*

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