My dear friend Lauren, or Chee Chee as we call her around these parts, recently suffered a miscarriage.
Up to 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. And I have more friends than I’d like to count who’ve suffered at least one.
Miscarriage is a funny thing–it’s grief that no one knows how to talk about.
We’re supposed to wait to announce pregnancies until the second trimester, when risks of something going wrong are lower. That means women need to keep possibly the most exciting news of their lives secret, so they can be protected.
If something goes wrong, they’re isolated, and dealing with a tragic loss without the support of community.
Women may tell a few trusted friends or family, but the experience still leaves you feeling like an alien in a foreign land. You go on trying to function in a world that’s just the same, but you are different.
Well Lauren is a wonderful writer, and she started a brave new blog called On Fecund Thought that’s both a forum and a very poignant place to visit for anyone who has suffered a miscarriage or known someone who has.
Lauren recently wrote about waiting in the OB/GYN’s waiting room for a loss support group to start, amidst regular patients:There was an air of murmuring happiness — most of these women were at least 6 months along. I envied them their happy confidence that nothing would go wrong. I tried to remind myself that I don’t know their fertility story, but another voice reminded me of the words my friend, L., a therapist whose first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage, told me: I felt cheated. I couldn’t enjoy my next pregnancy with [my daughter]. Even though everything was going fine and we ended up having a healthy baby, I felt robbed of my innocence.
If you’ve known someone who’s suffered a miscarriage, or you have, or your spouse has, go over and visit On Fecund Thought.
Lauren’s words are often poetic, and her list of resources and suggestions for how to support someone going through miscarriage are right on.
Not sure where to begin? Start with this post about ten things not to say, and ten suggestions for how to support someone going through miscarriage.Hugs, Ev