The Twilight Zone

At some point the kids become helpful.

People keep telling me this, along with the fact that parenting never gets easier.

Curses! 

Well, whatever. I’m focusing on the positive: At some point Baby Woww will stop taking out all the canned goods from the pantry every day. Probably the same day he asks for a cell phone.

My friend Kylan was talking about this recently. She just wanted to futz around on the computer for five minutes. By herself.

But when as a parent you try to sneak something in like that–something that’s just for you–the kids smell it and the part of their brain that is incredibly needy and vaguely malicious goes into overdrive.

Mom! Mom! Where are you? I need you! And if you don’t come I’ll throw this vase.

OR

MOMMMMM! Baby is on standing on the table with a steak knife!

I remember this uneasiness as an elementary school teacher.

If I woke up feeling horrible, or if I flew in the night before from a trip, or I’d had one too many glasses of wine at a dinner with friends–and all I wanted to do was take it easy and coast through the day at 80% effort–the kids would smell it.

And they knew that THAT was the day to punch each other on the playground, throw scissors across the room, and sacrifice the weak ones.

Now my own kids do it to me. And they don’t go home at the end of the day because they live here.

We were having people over for dinner. I was trying to make a salad. For every item I tossed in the salad, Baby Woww took out a piece of the kitchen.

Lettuce.

Sippy cups!

Tomatoes.

Tupperware!

Cucumber.

Blender!

Just to get to the refrigerator I had to wade through six inches of plastic plates and culinary detritus.

This is the stage when the kids can make you cry at the grocery store, and every night you need a pep talk to remind yourself that you are in charge. Vaguely.

My friend Sara came from the osteopath the other day. She had to bring her three year old and her one year old. After watching her kids wreak havoc in the exam room, the osteopath asked,  “Aside from general chaos, anything else going on in the home?”

Nope. That pretty much covers it. 

That Cold Play song “The Scientist” keeps playing over and over in my head: Nobody said it was easy / No one ever said it would be so hard…

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8 responses to “The Twilight Zone

  1. It is always, always the worst during meal preparation! And Dr’s office visits :)!

  2. Soon they’ll be old enough to want to help you in the kitchen. Although I’m sure they think they’re helping now… 🙂

  3. Sounds so familiar. I need a boardwalk in the kitchen to avoid the detritus that accumulates, and they do it three meals a day! We still love them, and they still love us.

  4. Amen sister, Amen!

  5. I think BabyWoww and the Twins should get together for a kitchen demolition party. Fun, fun, fun.

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