Babies R Us, Adults R Not

The manager of our Babies ‘R’ Us thinks he’s a smooth operator. I introduced myself to him a few times, and every time he’d say, “Ooh! What a cute baby! How old is she?” Well, she’s a boy and her name is K-Pants, and she’s nine-months-old, same as the last time we were here.

The Babies ‘R’ Us opened at our new mall when K-Pants was three-months-old. I’d always been a mall-hater, but in New York City, being able to walk to a shopping mall is manna from Heaven.

In this sweet glow of mall-loving, it took me a while to realize I hated the Babies ‘R’ Us.

Mike, the manager, would croon over a rotten zucchini wrapped in a blanket. His internal monologue went like this: “If I pretend to like their babies, moms will buy more. They love my manly charm.”

Turns out, some customers like it when you do your job. We also like it when you hire cashiers who wear their thongs below their pant lines.

As you fellow-parents may know, the only way to make Babies ‘R’ Us work is with coupons. And my coupons would never come in the mail, so I approached the manager.

Hi Mike! My coupons never come. I couldn’t get them online either. What can you do for me?

This was Mike’s chance to shine—to bask in the glow of his limited powers.

“No problem, sweetheart. Let me check you out right now.”

But here’s how it really went down:

Mike: Well, you need to change your printer settings online. That’s what my wife does. When you get back home, put the baby in the crib, and play with your printer settings.

Perfect, Mike. Because what I would love to do is put the sweet zucchini in his crib so I can spend my free time figuring out how to print off coupons. And then I can walk those bad boys back to the store for some half-off Earth’s Best. Mike, you’re like Mel Gibson in What Women Want. Tell me more…

Oh, Mike.

I went home and put K-Pants in his crib.

Then I looked up the corporate contact information for Babies ‘R’ Us. I wrote them a letter that included the figure for my yearly shopping budget at Babies ‘R’ Us that I would now be spending at Target. And I got a nice note back, apologizing and letting me know they would be talking with the manager.

Peace out, Mike!


13 responses to “Babies R Us, Adults R Not

  1. “No problem, sweetheart. Let me check you out right now.”

    I *bet* he did!


  2. The problem with Babies R Us out here is that if there are 5 people in front of me in line it takes 30 minutes to check out. If there is 1 other person in line, buying a single pacifier, it still takes 30 minutes to check out. And no, I don’t want batteries.

    • LOL. A friend of mine came back from BRU and said the line took 30 minutes because the cashier was flirting with a father checking out. Do you ever get that? 😉

  3. Babies R Us, Toys R Us… they seem to have the same unhelpful sales staff. Last week, I picked up a Halloween costume for L at Toys R Us, and the price rang-up much cheaper than the tag. Me: This is great, but there wasn’t a sign saying it was on sale. Could you tell me if any other Halloween stuff is on sale? Cashier: Um… I dunno. There should be a sign. Me: There aren’t any sale signs in the Halloween stuff. Cashier: Huh?

    Verdict… Other potential sales lost.

    • I know. It doesn’t seem that difficult to figure out that courtesy and know-how are good for your profits.

      Sometimes I get frustrated with Target because they are donating money to fight marriage equality (which I am a proponent of). However, I get over it every time I go there. My new politics is customer service. If you have good customer service, I will vote for you and your causes! It’s much less divisive, anyhow.

      • Wait – what? Target donates $ to fight marriage equality? Tell me more! That pisses me off.

        Oh – BRU and TRU out here in the Mass. ‘burbs totally rock. Sorry! But they do. 🙂 Helpful sales staff, quick checkouts. But one common annoyance: “Do you need batteries with that?” Um, as far as I know, these kid clothes I bought are not battery-operated…

  4. Isn’t that hilarious! Some people should just not be allowed out of their cages, let alone dealing with the purchasing public.

    • Amen, sister! What gets me down is that sometimes I feel like the crazy one. Aren’t the customers supposed to be right? At least most of the time? Or some of the time…please!?

  5. @JD (
    It took me a few days to do a simple internet search to confirm my crazy allegations above. Human Rights Campaign demoted Target on its equality list because of campaign donations made to a Minn. gubernatorial candidate who is anti-gay.

    P.S. Glad to hear at least that BRU in the burbs is also crazy about batteries, but not totally insane.

  6. I’m with you in hating BRU. It also took me a few visits to realize this. My very worst shopping experience there was when L was about 9 mos and his music box, which he was able to operate and use to put himself back to sleep in the middle of the night, (!!!) broke. It was right before xmas and T and I made the excursion to BRU with a screaming L in the back of the car. It took us 45 mins just to park in the lot! Got the music box and a couple of other items, spent an hour checking out (screaming L), came back home only to find that the (paid for) music box had not been put into our shopping bag at checkout. This meant that I had to make another pre-xmas trip to BRU, which is certainly one of the circles of hell waiting for me if I’m not careful.

  7. you need to come to the bru out here in the countryside! When we got J’s crib delivered, the girl at the store had them bring by the glider too, since it happened to arrive that day, and she recognized our name on the slip (I hadn’t asked for delivery on the glider!) oh.. and have you tried using the bed bath and beyond 20% off coupon at BRU? that’s my favorite…

    but yeah, you totally need to be a bitch to that manager- he needs to learn!!

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