Jon Stewart: Please Make it Stop

K-Pants has totally rewired my brain. Pre-baby I was open-minded. Now, as a measure of self-protection, I’m closing the shutters of my mind to mirror the blinders on a carriage horse.

I can’t raise K-Pants AND let all the crazy of the world in.

I started thinking about this last Tuesday night as my husband and I sat on the couch. At the end of the day we are comatose and go to the TV for a little sugah to the brain. After devouring Modern Family, or 30 Rock, or The Big Bang Theory (I’ve taught a couple kids with Aspberger’s and I’m a nerd, so I love this show!), it’s on to The Daily Show. The conversation usually goes:

Me: Want to watch something else? Maybe Mad Men?

Husband: Ugh. I need something funny. How about Jon Stewart?

Me: Sure. (Stomach churning, popping a Tums [Or drinking a Pepto Bismol Ice, if you saw SNL this weekend].)

Jon, we need to talk. Our relationship is on the rocks. I haven’t been happy in a long time. Remember the old days? Remember when I came to your taping and you made that joke about psychiatrists and real Americans?

What happened to us? Have I changed?

I used to get all giddy inside before seeing you, but I just can’t take the emotional firing-squad anymore.

This redefining-the-relationship talk (RTR?) happened after my husband and I watched an episode with King Abdullah II of Jordan, discussing what the current Israeli-Palestinian talks would mean for the world.

Apparently everything was riding on the next two days, and if some small piece went wrong, wars would ensue for the foreseeable future.

Jon. This is not funny.

Here is a quote from the program: “Evelyn: K-Pants will probably end up living in a state of constant warfare where the forces of Evil are largely in charge.”

Jon: MAKE IT STOP!

He did make it stop, only to invite me online for the extended interview. NO THANK YOU.

This is no Pixie Stick to the Amygdala. This is grab your antidepressants and check your emergency kit. Who thinks this stuff is funny? Not new mothers. I wanted to vomit and I was shaking. To contain myself I had to maniacally clean the kitchen.

These days, when I’m at the library picking out books, if the jacket says “poignant,” I put it down. Too emotional. Someone will die; someone will break up with her high school boyfriend; someone will trip a boy with glasses.

I guess I’ll check out Go, Dogs, Go! again. I really have to figure out how to raise K-Pants and get back some of my discerning, critical-minded adult reasoning. But can’t I just get my current events from children’s authors for a little while?

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6 responses to “Jon Stewart: Please Make it Stop

  1. I loved that interview, but looking at it from your pov – and a very valid pov – I can see why that would be… unwelcomed (http://thesaurus.com/browse/unwelcomed). You wanted cake and got green beans instead (or the other way around)!

    I should write with less punctuation

    • I totally hear you, Bobby! I loved the interview from an intellectual point of you, I just had to run away screaming from an emotional stance. 🙂 I wanted dense, delicious coconut merengue cake, and THAT was not it!

      BTW: the more punctuation, the better! I eat it up!

  2. I hear you, fellow momma. Guess I won’t be seeing you at the rally to restore insanity this time around, eh?

    • You’re not going either?? If I were ever going to a rally, it would be this one, though. It sounds like a bunch of moderates getting together to swap lunches. I’m into that. But who wants to travel anywhere 4.5 hours with a baby!? 🙂

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  4. Oh, you are SO not alone in this. Your post is great and true — had a similar experience watching Slumdog Millionaire (http://myconvertiblelife.blogspot.com/2009/05/better-than-being-millionaire_10.html). I have almost no tolerance for any show/book/movie where someone (particularly a child or a parent) gets hurt or killed. Ugh. At least there are a lot of really good children’s books you can enjoy now 🙂

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